for your amusement and my procrastination

I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, so clearly the appropriate thing to do is go the most absurd convolutions to put it off, including posting a funny story on LJ! Said story just happens to be from two months ago. >.>

This is the story of my journey back from Spain at the end of August. Hopefully it will make somebody laugh at least a bit in the midst of midterm madness. :)

“The Troubles and Tribulations of Traveling” (Or, “Sometimes Many Deep Calming Breaths Are Necessary in Order Not to Choke a Bitch”)

First of all, I came back on a Saturday. Wednesday night I had slept four hours. Thursday night I slept six. Friday night I slept two. Kindly bear this in mind.

So everything went very smoothly until I actually arrived at the airport. Now, when I got there, I was already aware that my suitcase was going to be over the weight limit, given the way I had packed. “That is all right,” I say. “I was able to get my suitcase to be under the weight limit on the flight here, and the only heavy things I have acquired are some books! I will put those books in my carry on bag, which will then be a little heavy but that will be fine.”

Clara: *has more difficulties than expected fitting everything into her carry-on backpack*
Clara: *spends twenty more minutes repacking*
Clara: HAHA! SUCCESS! And just in time too! My flight is leaving kind of soon.
Clara: *goes to check-in line*
Scale: No, you are still five kilos over the limit.
Clara: *looks down at post-it with departure time written on it* 0.o
Nice Check-In Lady: Well, it's a good thing that your flight doesn't leave for another three and a half hours.
Clara’s stomach: It is lunchtime! Why have you spent the past hour and a half standing in lines and repacking suitcases? I AM NOT PLEASED!

Somewhat bewildered, I took several deep breaths, found a place to sit down, had something to eat, and reviewed my options. I could pay the 60 euros for the overweight bag. Or I could attempt to fit everything possible into my little backpack.

You know me. I am very stubborn. What do you think I did? That’s right. I spent another half an hour methodically stuffing everything possible into my backpack.

Clara: All right. This is it. If it doesn’t work now, I give up.
Test scale: EXACTLY 23 kilos (the limit)
Scale at actual check-in counter: No, you are still a kilo and a half over.
Clara: AUGH.

I took several more deep breaths, opened the bag and tried to figure out what I could possibly take out. I finally realized that the only solution was to take out a drawstring bag that had shoes in it, put a couple more things in it and take THAT bag along with my already-giving-me-a-twisted-spine backpack.

Clara: Well, thank God that’s over with. Off through security I go!
Security device: *goes off just to be spiteful*
Clara: Whatever. *receives pat-down*
Clara: OK, now I really have gone through everything. Just need to find a bathroom and…
Clara’s body: Guess what? You have your period early. Surprise!!
Clara: *finally snaps and puts to good use her newly acquired ability to curse in three languages*

Also, there is nowhere in the world where pads ought to cost ten dollars for a tiny package. In addition, apparently in little airport pharmacies in Spain they sell vibrators. Who knew?



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